Learn to Laugh At It

 Learn to Laugh at it!

I came up with all these plans/ a daily schedule for my time at home . Wake up early, read the Bible, go to the gym, work for my dad, research, write for acting…It all sounded great but life doesn’t always work out like you expect and most of the time your plans don’t go accordingly. If you’re like me that will throw you off completely and maybe even make you feel uninspired to try and follow that plan tomorrow. I think that’s why planning things gives me so much anxiety now and I choose to act indecisive instead of planning. As a child you could tell I was a perfectionist. I had to make A’s, my ponytail couldn’t have a single bump in it and I liked to clean (on my own terms). Things had its place and I had to be the best at EVERYTHING! I loved to compete and if I wasn’t first, I was last. But time quickly revealed that if that was my mindset I wouldn’t get very far in life and so I adjusted. I don’t have everything figured out and fear still stops me more than I would like from making plans or moving forward with plans I have made. But I know we must be patient with ourselves during the transition stages of our lives. Be honest with yourself and if you have a plan and it doesn’t work today that doesn’t mean it won’t tomorrow unless you decide not to take action on it. 

One bible verse I came across today was 2 Peter 3:9 

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 

How beautiful is that? We, mortal minds,  think if we don’t achieve ___ within the time constraints we’ve created for ourselves  it won’t happen. But God. HE doesn’t have any restrictions. Time for Him is irrelevant and nonexistent.  Because HIS plans for us is eternal and He is giving us time to relinquish whatever power we wish we had and rid ourselves of our egos to finally see that it is God who's in control. It is only with Him and through Him that we will finally reach the amount of “success” we’ve always wanted. A sense of belonging, of purpose, love, light and peace. So until you are able to relinquish control and learn to laugh at the days that don’t “go your way” you won't be able to see what beautiful plans He has for you!  No matter how it appears God is leading you to His Kingdom! 

June 16th, 2020: Prayer and Thanks

What comes with moving to a new city, state or country is uncertainty, sometimes anxiousness, and excitement. Maybe that's just for me. There's something about getting a new start that inspires me to be better; as if I'm recreating myself, or maybe returning to who I once was. When I first moved to Los Angeles back in September 2017 I felt all of those emotions and although most would think fear would be the most consuming it was not. Fast forward, June 2020, I moved to Atlanta, Georgia. Three years older but this time anxiety was at the forefront of my thoughts. I suppose it's justifiable. I moved when there's a pandemic and riots in the streets. 

Tonight though, I feel a sense of peace, confidence and hope. In the short amount of time that I've been here I've connected with kind, joyful individuals. I think more people here want genuine relationships. They're not just looking to network and move up in their industry all alone. 

God led me here and I'm glad I didn't fight it or stay in LA out of fear. He did this not only for me but for my brother, Andrew. He was planning on moving to Los Angeles, partially for me, so I wouldn't move back to Texas and give up on my dreams (as if that was an option) and partially for him to get a new start. 

Little did we know that we would both be getting new beginnings. Andrew decided to make an athletic tape for baseball and sent it to different colleges in hopes that he would be able to use his talent and eligibility to get a scholarship and finish his college education. To our surprise(not because of his athletic ability but age) he had great feedback and it looks like he will be attending a school in Phoenix, AZ this coming Fall. 

God does some amazing things if you let Him. He takes what you think you want and replaces it with something you could have never imagined. I am eternally grateful to be living with Mel again. I didn't realize how much I desperately needed to be surrounded with a friend like her; genuine, kind, God-fearing, inspiring, spontaneous, encouraging, and fun. God put her into my life when I was in college at a time when I was so low I didn't know if I could get out. It wasn't because of Mel that I got out of my depressive state but she did help whether she knew it or not. When Mel suggested I move to Atlanta with her I knew it was not luck. It was God. When she came around last time I was saved and I don't think it's a coincidence it happened again when I wasn't even aware that once again I needed saving. 

Thank you God for paving my path and throwing me a lifejacket each time I fell off course. Thank you Mel for being a true friend who inspires me to be a good person and to chase God in all that I do. Thank you Andrew for believing in my dreams so much so that you were going to move with me to make sure I kept going.  I will always support your dreams no matter how crazy or unorthodox they may seem because I truly believe in you!  And thank you mom and dad for supporting my decisions and my goals no matter how big they seem or how far they may take me. 

Sincerely, 

V. 

What A Time

What a time to be alive? Presumably, pandemics occur approximately once every 100 years and I've been so fortunate to have been alive during this one. It's been an interesting ride and ultimately I have decided that I would like to be long gone before the next one happens. Assuming I won't still be on this plot of ground when I'm 126 years old, I should be fine. 

I felt conflicted when I learned that one of my coworkers tested positive for the virus. We have been around each other in the last week and I felt it was my responsibility to get tested as well because I have been experiencing some of the symptoms. So today I went to a "drive thru" testing at a local church and stood in a line for 45 minutes with Winston before I was able to get registered. Granted I did show up early so it didn't take that long once they were actually open for business. The bad thing? The sky fell down on us right when I got to the front of the line. I refused to leave and come back so I just stood there, patiently, waiting for my name to be called, "Victoria?" Yep, that's me! I couldn't tell who was more excited to make some movement; me or Winston. Poor guy was blinking his little eyelids so fast as the rain hit his face. I tried to use my only shield from the rain (my jacket) for him but he didn't seem to understand why I was covering part of his body and face with it. When I finally made it to the tent I had the honor of putting a stick up my nose all the way to my brain. Not literally. It really wasn't as bad as made seen on the web but you wouldn't hear me complaining if I never had to do it again. Small note... I ended up getting tested again two weeks later. It went smoothly the second time and both times I was negative! Whoo! 

Family Time

Family 

I recently realized how little I know about my family. That sounds bad but can you honestly say you know the nitty gritty details about you'r grandparents and great grandparents? I don't but I have a huge desire to know more. I catch myself fantasizing about what it was like for my family members back in the day and obviously hope that they were as good of people as my imagination has made them out to be; fighting for justice and being living proof of the American dream, but in reality I know very little. So here's what I'm hoping to accomplish this year. I want to know my family's stories and I want to share their stories as best I can. This year, 2020, I want to have deeper conversations with them. I want to learn about what made them who they are, what their fears were, their greatest adventures, times of adversity, and their favorite accomplishment thus far. I'm fine talking about the great times along with the bad and I'm hoping they can share with me all that they know and have experienced. This is my project and I'm extremely excited to be on it with my parents and grandparents! 

 Mindfulness 

Noun.  

1. 2. 

   a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

   
   

   
   

   This morning I woke with the intention of following my daily routine. Wake, walk Winston, exercise, eat and then mozy around until I have work this evening. Suddenly when my routine was interrupted by the rain I decided to sit and listen to my peaceful car jams playlist; eyes closed, still and in silence. I've had a tendency in the recent past to complain about low energy. The truth of the matter is, I have a lot of energy. If I am able to use up that energy I feel better. When I have to sit for hours and am unable to use it I feel as if it's shaking inside my body, like a panic attack, which in-turn makes me tired. For this reason sitting still has been a difficult task for me. However this morning brought me peace and a new goal for this week; practicing mindfulness. I'm not at the point where I can practice stillness for long durations of time (even 10 minutes). Personally I think that comes with mindfulness. So this week I plan to take time to look at what I'm eating and appreciate the nutrients I'm taking in, being present with my friends and absorbing all the laughs and when working out  sometimes choosing the less strenuous workouts and focusing on the small challenges it presents.

    I don't feel my lifestyle is wrong or unhealthy. Being active is my favorite thing to do and brings me joy but I want to be able to sit and feel peace. I would like to be able to do a yoga class without wanting to scream at the instructor to speed it up. Just to be clear I've never done that. Some try to speed up life and others want to slow it down. I would like to say I'm the latter but it's very clear to me that I tend to focus more on the future and the opportunities that could come rather than the ones that are in front of me. As a result I tend to do activities that make the day feel as if it's going by faster. It can sometimes be difficult for a highly goal oriented person to focus on the present moment but I think the most successful people are those who can find the balance between what they want and finding appreciation in what is right there in front of them. How can we get where we want without knowing now who we are, where we stand, and what we're capable of at the present moment? 

   
   

   
   

   
   

Manifest your Dreams

Manifestation of your Dreams

I am what many people consider a "dreamer." In other words, I have high aspirations. The things that I speak of and hope for are not just a dream because I plan on making each one a reality. Yes, I struggle with obstacles each and everyday. I struggle with negative thoughts; the "I cant's." But I CAN!! I don't necessarily know if everything I want to do in life will manifest but I do believe that if it is something I believe I want then I should go after it NOW. If it doesn't manifest I really believe my trying will lead me to something better. Life isn't full of obstacles, it's full of adventures. No one likes puzzles that are already solved, it takes the fun out of creating the final image. Take your time and enjoy putting together the pieces of your beautiful life. 

Desperation

Desperation

     I woke up this morning thinking it was all a nightmare. I would text him, we would talk, say we love each other and by this evening we'd be sitting on the couch with the tv on talking and laughing like we always do. But it wasn't a dream. My nightmare was a reality and I lost the only man I wanted to spend everyday of my life with.
     It's not always easy to think rationally when you feel everything in your life is uncertain, and if you're like me, you don't like the feeling of losing control. After graduating from college I did just that. Everything was so uncertain, exciting, but uncertain and I chose to control the one thing I was certain of; my relationship. My boyfriend and I both did this and it became unhealthy. Now I'm just sitting in my room wondering if what I did was right. Thinking, how in the world could it be okay to not be with the man I love. I don't know. I'm uncertain of everything.