Manifest your Dreams

Manifestation of your Dreams

I am what many people consider a "dreamer." In other words, I have high aspirations. The things that I speak of and hope for are not just a dream because I plan on making each one a reality. Yes, I struggle with obstacles each and everyday. I struggle with negative thoughts; the "I cant's." But I CAN!! I don't necessarily know if everything I want to do in life will manifest but I do believe that if it is something I believe I want then I should go after it NOW. If it doesn't manifest I really believe my trying will lead me to something better. Life isn't full of obstacles, it's full of adventures. No one likes puzzles that are already solved, it takes the fun out of creating the final image. Take your time and enjoy putting together the pieces of your beautiful life. 

Desperation

Desperation

     I woke up this morning thinking it was all a nightmare. I would text him, we would talk, say we love each other and by this evening we'd be sitting on the couch with the tv on talking and laughing like we always do. But it wasn't a dream. My nightmare was a reality and I lost the only man I wanted to spend everyday of my life with.
     It's not always easy to think rationally when you feel everything in your life is uncertain, and if you're like me, you don't like the feeling of losing control. After graduating from college I did just that. Everything was so uncertain, exciting, but uncertain and I chose to control the one thing I was certain of; my relationship. My boyfriend and I both did this and it became unhealthy. Now I'm just sitting in my room wondering if what I did was right. Thinking, how in the world could it be okay to not be with the man I love. I don't know. I'm uncertain of everything.
   

The Daily Moper

     

The Daily Moper 

       I have a habit of moping around. I question why things happen the way that they do as if continuing to mope will change things.
       I recently started reading a book called The Power of Now. I find the book inspiring even though my brother and mom may not like the book. It's not necessarily the easiest read in the world but it has slowly been revealed to me what the "power of now" means. Basically it is all about focusing on the present moment; duh! That becoming secure, and happy in what is happening right now is the only way we should be living, but lets face it, most of us aren't!
      I seem to be worrying about what could have been different in the past or daydreaming about my future. What a life right? Today I did exactly that for about 4 hours and then realized what I was doing and said NO!
      Being a Christian, I have been taught to have faith in God's plan and I'm not. I question Him as if He has no idea what he's doing, but what if I didn't? What if whatever happened in my life I said, today is just today? Right now, in this moment I feel (whatever way I'm feeling), but I want to be happy, so.....I'm going to do something that makes me happy.
      It should be that simple. Instead, I mope and watch a cheezy drama series on Netflix to get my mind off my problems knowing that it's not going to make me any happier. I think it's time we stop moping and learn to live happily and free.

Until Next Time,

Victoria

I AM that I AM.

I AM that I AM.

        Growing up my faith in God never wavered. It was so strong I never questioned or cared about the judgments created by society or made by others. I was secure and confident that I was a child of God and that’s all that mattered. I never felt the need to explain myself to others and I never asked others to explain themselves to me. I knew who they were because I was so secure in who I was.
         Somewhere in the mix of things I lost this confidence. I started to lose sight of who I was; a reflection of God, and as a result I lost sight of that in others as well.  I then began to judge others, sometimes feeling it was justified by their actions.
        There is no justification. How can you justify judging God’s children? My judging others was a reflection of my loss of confidence in who I was. I apologize to anyone who I may have hurt or offended in the past for making accusations whether I verbalized them or not. I want to see clearly again who I am, and who all of you are. We are a reflection of God and it is time I start expressing that again.



Until Next Time,

Victoria 

What Made You Want To Study Abroad- March 12th 2014. A Helpful Reminder

March 12^th: “What made you want to study abroad?”

            Professor Kluver asked me why I wanted to study abroad. Under the spotlight I sounded like a politician running for office, "Hope & Change"! My response sounded great, but I didn’t truly answer the question. It was vague and meaningless. Why DID I want to study abroad??? I knew that I had wanted to since I was in seventh grade but unlike most, I made it a necessity, not an option. I applied to seven different colleges and their study abroad programs were a major part of my deciding factor. It wasn’t until I started to write a letter to my parents that I was able to come up with an answer. I am confident in my values and beliefs but I never felt that I “belonged” anywhere. I wanted a sense of belonging that I had not found in the United States and I thought by traveling the world, I might. Instead I found something much greater. While being here I felt a sense of anxiety because of schoolwork, culture shock, and being away from my parents and friends. When I found out a few of my fellow students were going to have a bible study every Monday night I decided I would start going. It made me feel a sense of relief but it was not enough. So I began to pray more, then I began to read the Bible more. Through, worship, study, and prayer I was reminded of what I already knew but had forgotten. My belonging is in God. It does not matter where I am, or who I am with, I am always with Him. I never realized how distant my relationship became with Him when I was back at home. Sure I went to Breakaway and did some bible studies but that was really the only time I would reach out to Him and if it was not “convenient” I would just skip. I was too preoccupied with my plans to learn His plans for me. Despite all of the deadlines, schedules, tasks, and duties in my busy life, nothing could ever be more convenient and comforting than being with Him. 

On Top of the World

March 9^th: On Top of the World

            Today I realized how much I appreciate the little things in life. My boyfriend and I have discussed how much we would like to expand our knowledge of the Bible. As an effort to do so we decided to read a chapter of Romans everyday and when possible discuss what we have read. The first thing I did when I got out of bed was pick up my notebook, pen, and Bible and began to read. Even though I had a quiz at the beginning of my class, after reading the Bible and reflecting on what I had read, I felt at ease. Grades are very important to me and cause me much stress because I like A’s and only A’s. Instead of going into my class feeling anxious, I felt that I knew everything I needed to know and it reflected in my grade. In the afternoon Mel, Kelsey and I decided to go for a jog. We have decided that we want to do a half marathon in Luca the day before we head back home and need to start training for it. At the beginning of our jog we felt worn out and were not sure how far we would be able to run but like Forrest Gump we just kept on running. The first couple of weeks we were here we had said we wanted to run to the castle but it was pretty far away and it never happened. Today, we did, we ran seven miles! Not only is the castle a far jog (for us anyways), but it is also at the top of a hill/mountain…whichever you would like to call it. It wasn’t an easy jog to the top but once we got there we had a hard time leaving. It overlooked the city and for a moment I felt I was on top of the world. Nothing could touch me, nothing could ruin this moment for me. In that moment I felt God fully embracing me. 

March 6th: A simple getaway

We got Friday off this week and many people were planning on traveling. I wanted to take full advantage of our 3-day weekend but I have been exhausted from all the traveling I have done. Mel, Jessie and I decided to make a simple trip to Verona. When we got there we walked to our “hostel” which ended up being an apartment. I loved feeling like we were in more of a house setting for once. Then we went out to explore. We shopped until we dropped. I am not a spender and I usually do not like shopping but this time it was actually very therapeutic. I got some shoes, a jacket, and a romper. It wasn’t until we were done that we realized we did not look at any of the tourist places we planned on seeing so we decided instead to wait to see them the next day. We planned on going out to the college bars but fell asleep around 11 p.m., 4p.m. back home and slept in till ten the next morning. It was the most sleep I have gotten in a long time. We got up, packed and went to see Juliet’s wall and a bridge someone recommended we see before leaving. Honestly, Juliet’s wall was nothing like I imagined but it was still pretty neat. It was the simplest trip but it was exactly what I needed to put myself at ease.  

Juliet's Wall